Pronouns. I’m not going to go on and on about this but I need to get this off my chest. Just spent the evening with my parents and Kris. My mother used feminine pronouns repeatedly very rarely correcting herself, even when I consistently corrected her…the entire evening……right in front of Kris. Three long years of this. I’m so over it. I honestly am. I post things on Facebook. They are ignored by family. I correct. Mom ignores it.
There is a family wedding coming up which we cannot attend. My parents offered to take him along with them and one of my sisters. Kris wants to go. I think it’s the worst possible thing. With his meds being dropped another 50, he will be hours away from home (his dad and I will be 600 miles away) with no real support system there. Since there will be the same people who were at the bridal shower where my mom misgendered Kris intentionally it stands to reason that she will do it throughout this wedding weekend. And who will correct her? Not my sister, who sat next to her at the bridal shower, mute and blank- not offering a single sign of support. Not my other sister who once said something so insensitive that Kris did not speak to her for over a year. (My sister didn’t even notice. True story.)
So, what’s the big deal? Well, exactly! What’s the big deal? Use the proper pronouns!!!
Dandelion Fuzz 
Kat, I cannot begin to imagine and since I’m not a mother, the imagining goes ever further.
I hope that what you both decide will be best for Kris. I’m glad you’ve given him roots, but also have gifted him with wings when/if he chooses to fly.
I don’t envy your position, but commend you both for your heart and courage.
Hoping he can just be Seen, loved and accepted,
Dani
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We hope for the same thing, Dani. 🙂
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(((hugs))) that’s so rough. I hope he has a good time at the wedding *fingers crossed*
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You and me both!
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Your son is so super lucky to have you for support.
However, I am with bittygirl51 on this. If he says that he is ready to deal with this, he is. The best growth thing for him will be for him to handle it on his own.
It is so tough to see children endure pain. But, ultimately, it is his battle, and his pain. Having you for support, even across the country, is a powerful thing.
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Thanks. I told him I will support him and it’s his decision to make.
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Chris sounds like he wants to go and is prepared to handle whatever comes his way. As a mother I understand your frustration, but at some point in time Chris will have to take a stand for himself and fight his own battles. Do you have confidence that he is mature enough to handle it? If you do, then I think you need to let him make that choice. This is all part of his journey…some will be painful as you & he well know.
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I would completely agree with you if he was not in the process of switching medication for anxiety. He will be at his lowest dose at the wedding. Since he has admitted to thoughts of suicide, this adds to my worry.
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What does Kris think?
Is there any way to provide some support and have him go to the wedding?
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Kris believes that he can handle whatever happens. I am open with him about my concerns.
Unfortunately there is no one to go with him. Our support system is very small and that specific day along with the distance to the wedding makes it impossible for any of us to go along. The relatives who will be there have not been supportive for 3 years now and have no respect for what Kris is going through.
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I was wondering if there was some other way to provide support like Skyping.
What does Kris think about older relatives using the wrong pronouns?
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My daughter-in-law will be “on call” as much as she can be. And my oldest son will be checking in when he’s not in class.
Kris doesn’t say much about his grandparents using the wrong pronouns. I think he remains silent about it out of respect for me since they are my parents. He has said he will correct them every time they mess up. It’s just a shame that he will have 3 aunts, 2 uncles and 3 cousins there who could be supportive but won’t be.
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