I’m popping in to take part in Cee’s Fun Foto Challenge: Rainbow Colors! We’ve experienced snow, sleet, ice, rain, record breaking temperatures and unseasonably warm temperatures all in the last week or so. We are due for more nasty weather tonight so I’m in great need of some cheerful colors to brighten my day!
If I could be doing anything right now….anything, what would it be? I do think about this in those quiet moments. I would love to sleep but for some reason my brain is not hard-wired to sleep. I’ve always been this way….. I’m not a sleeper. I need to write. Like, I really need to write- the words are swirling around in my head. And they are getting louder and louder. Unfortunately the voices and sounds outside my head are even louder still. Sitting in a beautiful garden reading a book would be pure heaven. I’m sure there are so many cool finds at the thrift stores that I could wander their aisles for hours. I have a kid (okay, he might be 23 years old but he’s still my baby) who I desperately want to visit at his new school. And my little guys aren’t so little anymore. CJ is creeping up on me in height and Beej is creeping up on me in vocabulary skills. I miss my hours, my day-to day- ness with them. I just want to sit at a table with my best friends and talk and talk and talk and then laugh about something completely silly and then talk some more.
I’m bone-weary. It takes every ounce of effort I can muster to make myself move each morning. But something funny happens when I step inside the doors of the facility where my loved one is regaining her strength. I am able to tap into a super secret supply of stored energy and I get through the day. Those other things- those things that I took for granted two months ago…. they just fade away.
And my loved one and I catch up on what’s been going on since I left (sometimes less than 12 hours ago). She tells me the night time happenings and I fill her in on my walk to her room, who I saw, what they were doing. We discuss the day ahead. And we dream about the near future when she’s back home where she belongs and desperately wants to be.
At meal time we arrive early to get prime seating in the dining room. It might be the highlight of our day- seeing what happens next. Since the facility is both assisted living and post-acute care, the residents are an interesting blend. And one of our favorite things to do has always been to people-watch.
When we aren’t hanging out in the dining room, we engage in another of our favorite past-times. I recently dug up past magazine anniversary issues of our favorite long time running television show. We pour over them, asking each other, “Do you remember…?” This activity keeps us entertained for hours. “How old was X-character then?” she might ask. I reach for my phone or iPad and look it up. One question might lead us on an endless number of further questions. And we laugh at how little we remember or just the opposite- how we can recall what a character was wearing when they said something memorable.
Some days others come and visit and/or help out, and I squeeze in other responsibilities. Free time is a distant memory. But those times when we are at lunch or dinner, angling for the best view overlooking the entire dining room, enjoying the antics of our fellow diners or when we are huddled up in my loved one’s room desperately trying to remember when a character who is now in their possible mid 30’s was actually born and shaking our heads at how much times has flown, I don’t need anything more to affirm that I’m right where I should be.
Almost three weeks ago I stood in a room feeling the walls crashing in around and on me. My loved one was having a health crisis and would need to be taken to the emergency room. I’m not one to share my personal life drama on social media and my loved one, being an especially private person, did not want anyone knowing about the hospital stay. After stints on the ICU, Step Down and Telemetry floors, she is at a rehabilitation center, trying to gain some strength and get back on her feet both literally and figuratively. We did not leave the hospital with the best possible outcome and as far as looking forward goes, we take it day by day. Every day seems to bring a new challenge, which we do our best to overcome.
I’ve missed my blog and all my blogging buddies. Although the words have been racing through my head constantly, they have become elusive the rare times I was able to sit down in front of a keyboard. I’ve continued to take photos, mostly in the hospital setting or on the route to the hospital.
My days are spent talking and for someone like me, who thrives on silence, the drain is unbearable most of the time. Whether I’m talking to doctors or nurses or updating family members, I’m always talking and I’m so over the sound my voice. When I do have those fleeting moments of precious silence, I’m usually poring over my notes or replaying conversations in my head, trying to make sure I’m asking the right questions and not missing anything. Why? Somehow I have been elected the keeper- the keeper of the updates, the history, the doctors’ names, the medications….the keeper of everything. It’s kind of a sucky job but someone has to do it, right?
My loved one has visitors today so my presence is not required…. at least not as much as other days. I’m grateful for the time to sit here in silence with my laptop and my pup, Ari.
As time passes, I’ve tried to squeeze in a smidgen of time for myself but those times are very rare and that’s okay with me. I don’t begrudge my loved on a second of my time. That’s what you do when you love someone, right?
And if you are anywhere near my part of the world, stay warm!
When I heard that there was a movie coming out about Pooh and his dear friend, Christopher Robin, starring Ewan MacGregor (sigh), I knew I had to see it! And what can I say? I loved it.
It’s filled with heart-tugging moments and such cuteness. While the story has been told time and time again, it doesn’t grow old. That silly old bear can be wise beyond his years. We can all use a gentle reminder that our lives are happening now and that a little simplicity nevers hurt anyone!
My favorite movies are actually When Harry Met Sally and Wizard of Oz but this one will hold a special place in my heart. There is no doubting that. TTFN
I can’t remember a time when there weren’t toys around the house. I know that there were years between my kids outgrowing their toys and the next generation slowly infiltrating our home with theirs but it just seems natural to find toys here and there. I consider them mementos of the little boys who occupy so much of my time these days.
When I saw the prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday and Just Jot It January 2019 the first thing to come to mind was this game that I play on my phone- Wordscapes. I’m on Level 3120 so I guess I’ve been either playing it for a long time or a lot! Every time I come across a puzzle with lots of 3 letter words I fall into this mode where I run through every combination of letters to knock those out quickly. My favorite time to play this game has been when I was/am rocking Beej or putting him to bed. (He’s a great kid but has trouble settling down for the night. He has trouble staying in his room and I refuse to lock him in.) As he learned his letters, he has been known to point out which letter he would like me to use next. Now that he recognizes words, I am anticipating the day he starts helping me with my game….