I love those “nothing” times. Recently my sister and I were just wandering around, doing nothing. We ended up peeking into the windows of an empty house that was for sale. It was at dusk and the lighting was questionable enough that we were half convinced that we would find someone peering out the window at us!
We unknowingly picked the busiest time of the weekend to explore a popular local venue. We proceeded to crash no less than three different weddings, hitting one of them twice in our failed attempts to get out of the area. I’m still convinced we appear in photos of all the weddings- these two middle-aged women (wait-what? maybe I should just say women of undetermined age) wearing masks (face masks for safety- not Halloween or superhero masks) in casual dress meandering in the background of every photo.
When the sun had fully set, we found out just how dark night can be on a street with no lights. Being avid readers of thrillers, we joked about how we were prime pickings for a serial killer on our way back home.
This was a different nothing than my post previously about nothing when I am busy all the time with nothing to show for it. Both nothings are so important. Everything can’t be about something. Sometimes it just has to be what it is.
Even nothing is something. Unfortunately Pooh, and sometimes we ourselves, are quick to attribute the smallest things to doing nothing. I’ve had plenty of days where I might not have booked hours of “did something” moments but looking back I can see that what I accomplished was even more important.
Sitting under a comforter with my grandson listening to stories and watching the projection of stars in the dark might not seem like much. And I’ll admit there were times when I wasn’t sure how I was going to stand up when the story ended because my left foot felt like a lead block. But huddled under that blanket sharing that time with Beej banked time where I was hopefully giving him a sense of security and stability that he would remember when things get rough.
From the outside, my last seven years might seem like a lot of doing nothing. I passed up working outside my home to help out with my grandsons and when Covid changed everything, it was a good thing I was home because there was no one else to handle remote learning while my son was at work. This wasn’t what I thought I would be doing at this stage of my life- a second round of raising kids- but in the beginning, I did it to help my son. And let’s be honest, the first time I looked into baby Beej’s eyes, I was hooked. I knew I would do whatever was needed for this little guy who is leaving little kid status at seven. Little did I know how much both he and his daddy would need me.
I’m finding ways to sneak some “somethings” into my nothing days. And on those days I appear to do nothing, it might look that way but I know the truth.
I was able to apply my parenting experience to my present-day activities.
My buddy and I have a stronger than the usual grandma/grandson bond.
I’m being tested in ways I never imagined and learning things about myself I didn’t know existed.
Nothing is possible. And it’s a good thing. A much needed thing from time to time.
For the past few years, I’ve been grieving a major loss. As I’m coming upon marking another year past without my loved one, I’m struggling. I want to apply this quote to her. I want to celebrate how lucky I was to have her in my life. I want to focus on the good, accept that life goes on, and cherish the happy memories. I feel like I’m making some progress. Every day I take a step in the right direction, learning to live without her here.
But right now even knowing how lucky I am to love someone so much that saying goodbye is hard, I ache.
I love Pooh’s passion for food. I wish I had it. I’m more in the Piglet camp. I often wonder what the day is going to bring. And if it will be exciting. Although…. these days I consider it a good day if nothing happens!
This seemed like an appropriate quote to kick off the Blogging A to Z Challenge. I’ve been hunkered down in my corner of the forest for two years now and it’s time for me to venture back out into the world. As much as I’ve enjoyed being a homebody and taking advantage of the pandemic as an excuse to not go anywhere, it’s getting a bit stale. I need something new. An adventure would be the perfect thing to liven things up.
I have made a few baby steps in this direction. We are going to a family birthday party this weekend. I have plans to go see a live show of one of my favorite podcasts that is coming to a nearby city. I ate in a restaurant last week!!!
While these might seem like small things, for me and my best friend, Anxiety, this is huge. And to clarify, I’ve always struggled with varying degrees of anxiety but this one is a new one. It’s pandemic-related. It took me by surprise. I guess I expected to reach a point where I felt comfortable being around many people in public settings and I would do it. That hasn’t been the case. I’m okay with the things I did regularly for the last two years but I struggle with being around people who are not wearing masks.
I’m working on it. I’m talking with people about it. I’m using coping strategies. I’m saying no when it’s too much. I’ll get there.
Until then, I’ll take baby steps out of my corner of the forest to the place where the others are. I know I’ll get there and Adventure will be waiting.