Tag: #socs

Meanwhile…

bw eyes…while life was busy burying me, I realized that I had an A to Z Challenge to complete. As I tried to claw my way out of this hole, I noticed that there were challenges that seemed to all line up so I could tie things together nicely and almost totally put the lid on them.

As April came to a close, things ramped up with my loved one and all of my time and energy was spent with those matters. Needless to say, this resulted in my U and X of the A to Z Challenge. My life was momentarily and permanently turned UPSIDE DOWN as I experienced the EXIT of one phase of my life and the beginning of another. Still processing and dealing with major changes in my life, I barely had time to catch my breath before I needed to address my eye issues once again.

This time, it was in the form of a surgery to repair problems that have been plaguing both eyes for years. This surgery had been scheduled a few months ago so I knew there was no putting it off. The strain on my eyes over the past years has taken it’s toll. I’m nearing the halfway point now- halfway between the first eye surgery recovery and the prep for the second. Although I know in the end I will be happy that I went through this and amazed at my newfound ability to SEE, right now I’m just kinda bummed out. It’s been a difficult year and being near the halfway point of eye shenanigans has shown me what I can expect for the other half. I am at a point where my vision isn’t awesome if I look out of both eyes at the same time…… so things like reading and writing are a challenge. (Please disregard any errors in this post…..thanks!) Factor in my terror at anything being done to my eyes,  and you might understand why it’s all kind of getting to me. And this is where the Y comes in- YOUR VIEW, which from here is not very clear! As you can see from the lovely glasses that I’ve had to wear for the past week, it’s a good thing I didn’t feel well or else I would have been running all over town showing off those cool shades!! Of course, my driver (because I’ve been under a no-driving restriction) would probably be less than thrilled with my adventures… 

Meanwhile, this post is almost to its breaking point with all the challenges it is covering!

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Here is Ari- doing her part for Cee’s “from the side” challenge!

A to Z Challenge- U, X, Y

Cee’s Black & White Challenge- From the Side

FOWC- Meanwhile

Stream of Consciousness Saturday- Strain

 

So, what have you been up to lately?

Wishing you a happy week!

-Kat

 

 

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Saturday Drop In

If I could be doing anything right now….anything, what would it be? I do think about this in those quiet moments. I would love to sleep but for some reason my brain is not hard-wired to sleep. I’ve always been this way….. I’m not a sleeper. I need to write. Like, I really need to write- the words are swirling around in my head. And they are getting louder and louder. Unfortunately the voices and sounds outside my head are even louder still. Sitting in a beautiful garden reading a book would be pure heaven. I’m sure there are so many cool finds at the thrift stores that I could wander their aisles for hours. I have a kid (okay, he might be 23 years old but he’s still my baby) who I desperately want to visit at his new school. And my little guys aren’t so little anymore. CJ is creeping up on me in height and Beej is creeping up on me in vocabulary skills. I miss my hours, my day-to day- ness with them. I just want to sit at a table with my best friends and talk and talk and talk and then laugh about something completely silly and then talk some more.

I’m bone-weary. It takes every ounce of effort I can muster to make myself move each morning. But something funny happens when I step inside the doors of the facility where my loved one is regaining her strength. I am able to tap into a super secret supply of stored energy and I get through the day. Those other things- those things that I took for granted two months ago…. they just fade away.

And my loved one and I catch up on what’s been going on since I left (sometimes less than 12 hours ago). She tells me the night time happenings and I fill her in on my walk to her room, who I saw, what they were doing. We discuss the day ahead. And we dream about the near future when she’s back home where she belongs and desperately wants to be.

At meal time we arrive early to get prime seating in the dining room. It might be the highlight of our day- seeing what happens next. Since the facility is both assisted living and post-acute care, the residents are an interesting blend. And one of our favorite things to do has always been to people-watch.

When we aren’t hanging out in the dining room, we engage in another of our favorite past-times. I recently dug up past magazine anniversary issues of our favorite long time running television show. We pour over them, asking each other, “Do you remember…?” This activity keeps us entertained for hours. “How old was X-character then?” she might ask. I reach for my phone or iPad and look it up. One question might lead us on an endless number of further questions. And we laugh at how little we remember or just the opposite- how we can recall what a character was wearing when they said something memorable.

Some days others come and visit and/or help out, and I squeeze in other responsibilities. Free time is a distant memory. But those times when we are at lunch or dinner, angling for the best view overlooking the entire dining room, enjoying the antics of our fellow diners or when we are huddled up in my loved one’s room desperately trying to remember when a character who is now in their possible mid 30’s was actually born and shaking our heads at how much times has flown, I don’t need anything more to affirm that I’m right where I should be.

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SoCS- Affirm

Ragtag Daily Prompt- Effort

Fandango’s One Word Challenge- Anything

Have a great weekend!

-Kat

 

Sip, Sap, Sup, Qi, Xi, Taj

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When I saw the prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday and Just Jot It January 2019 the first thing to come to mind was this game that I play on my phone- Wordscapes. I’m on Level 3120 so I guess I’ve been either playing it for a long time or a lot! Every time I come across a puzzle with lots of 3 letter words I fall into this mode where I run through every combination of letters to knock those out quickly.  My favorite time to play this game has been when I was/am rocking Beej or putting him to bed. (He’s a great kid but has trouble settling down for the night. He has trouble staying in his room and I refuse to lock him in.) As he learned his letters, he has been known to point out which letter he would like me to use next. Now that he recognizes words, I am anticipating the day he starts helping me with my game….

Have a good day!

-Kat

Maybe

Today I have a jam-packed day. I’ve found a few quiet moments to write this post before I head off to the next commitment. My morning began with getting the little guys ready for school followed by taking my parents’ to an appointment. By the time I got home, I had to decide whether to move a time consuming errand to another day or just roll the dice and hope I am able to complete it and get back home before my late afternoon meetings. Looking at the list of e-mails, texts and a number of other small tasks that needed to be done today, I decided to postpone the time consuming task until tomorrow. It’s given me the breathing room I needed today. Also, my week is relatively light after today, including an unexpected day off little kid duty resulting me in “freedom” until the boys come back Friday evening.

This leads to my dilemma-

I will have a chunk of free time, or really just time that I don’t have to be taking kids to and from school, thinking about baths, monitoring homework, and all of those types of things. You know- kid things. The rest will still be here- cleaning, laundry, decorations, organizing……the day to day stuff.

What’s the problem? I need a break. I’m the last person to admit it, even when the people closest to me tell me this and lately, I’ve been saying out loud for everyone to hear. “I need a break.” This is a sign that I need some down time- like a chunk- like the one I might be able to have come Wednesday morning….

I won’t get a break, if I stay home. This is a given. Things will pop up. My quiet down time will be eaten up in the blink of an eye.

So, maybe I need to get away for a few days to re-charge and enjoy some quiet time.

Or maybe I should sit down and make a good list of what I need to do and just knock it out of the park. This way I won’t have these things hanging over my head. There are so many things I can’t get done when my day is broken up into KID chunks. There are also many things I cannot do with an overly inquisitive and incredibly observant four year old around.

Maybe the relief of getting those things done would be enough to rejuvenate me and give me the patience and strength to move forward.

Or maybe removing myself from the pressure to get them done would be the fix I need. I wonder if I slip our elf a few extra $$ in his paycheck, he can lend me a hand…..

Or maybe I should just take my daily trip to Target so they know I’m okay. The friendly girl who works in the self-check out section will definitely miss me if I don’t show up by tomorrow!!

Decisions, decisions….

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This post is in response to the Stream of Consciousness- Saturday- “ma”-Use it as a word or find a word with “ma” in it.

Have a great day!

-Kat

What Does This Mean?

IMG_7472Lately it seems like the thermostat that keeps my emotions at a stable level is malfunctioning. I’m feeling like a walking exposed nerve ending! Seeing my oldest son’s face, hearing my middle kid’s voice, listening to a song that my youngest son wrote, watching little Beej’s joy at snow, experiencing CJ’s pride at successfully getting his clothes this morning and even remembering to change his underwear, catching the choked sound of my father’s voice when he tells us how happy he is to have his girls all there……. (Oh, and to be clear, their dog Casey is included in “his girls” along with me and my sisters….) – all of these things make my heart swell.

And the tears? Forget it. Every day I cry. Missing my youngest son- tears. Feeling little Beej’s arms wrapped around my legs as he tells me he loves me very much- tears. Hearing that a friend’s parent passed away- tears. Even blinking my eyes to determine if it’s my glasses which are blurry or my eyes- tears (which doesn’t help answer that questions!) Talking with my son about our concerns with CJ and his struggles in school- tears. (Big tears for this one.) 

It could be any of those things or all of those things making me feel so emotional these days. It could be concern for my two children who live in other states and not having a secure enough handle on how they are really doing. 

But for now, I’m blaming NaNoWriMo. This year things are going well (knock on wood) and today is the half way point. I’m not struggling to complete word counts each day. While my daily counts are not enough to give me a huge cushion to fall on, that extra few hundred words that I’m managing seem to help. It’s not the act of writing that is causing this anxious feeling.

It’s the story. This year’s story is one that I’ve attempted to write a few times both for NaNo and not. And it has always tripped me up. Being loosely based on an event in my life that changed me in ways I will never fully realize, to say that it’s close to my heart would be an understatement. Since I am still able to keep my writing separate from the rest of my life right now it has been a little exhausting to write the emotional components and then shut them in a box for the rest of the day while I pick up Beej from school, shop, do laundry, take care of daily business. And these emotional scenes are hitting me in my core. I’m obviously not doing as good of a job of compartmentalizing those emotions if I’m walking around crying daily about other things, right? 

The thing is that 35 years later, I have dealt with most of the things that I needed to deal with. This doesn’t make it hurt less to write about a character who is very dear to me going through the same ordeal. I’m calling up emotions that I would rather leave in their graves. It’s over. It made me stronger. I survived. I don’t like to dwell on the past. I learned a lot about myself and people through the experience. 

But I also have to accept that these tears need to be shed. Maybe I need to lay more to rest than I had originally thought. And although I can’t say this about all of my NaNo novels (or bits of novels as some of them are), this is one that I can see myself working on and making it into something readable. 

It’s time for me to apply some of these words toward that novel that’s not going to write itself this month now, is it? 

This post is in response to Stream of Consciousness Saturday- 11/10/18 Mean(s)

-Kat

 

 

 

 

 

A Pool of Tears

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“However, she soon make out that she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when she was nine feet high.Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll

One of the coolest things about really great books is that no matter how many times you read them, you always discover more. I’ve been a reader from the very time I learned to read. In fact, I’m one of those people that tend to read everything around me. It has been a life long struggle to not read things I shouldn’t be reading because it makes me look like I’m snooping. I’m not though. I am a compulsive reader. But that’s not what I was thinking when I began writing here about this quote from my beloved Alice book.

I had a difficult time choosing a book so I ended up closing my eyes and pulled out this one. When I ended up with the above quote, I gave it some thought, separate from the story that I know. It really can be a stand alone quote, can’t it? Because who of us haven’t found ourselves to be splashing around, sputtering and trying to keep our heads above a mess of our own making? I tend to be my own worst enemy, letting my anxiety sky rocket at times. It’s something that I have struggled to keep in check. Unfortunately, I’m usually up to my neck in it by the time I recognize it for what it is and then it’s difficult to talk myself down. Most definitely a pool of my own tears.

If you wanted to, you could look at the tears as self-pity, too. That’s what Alice was doing, right? And it’s very easy to get caught up in a pity party of epic proportions. You can insert any emotion and have a similar problem. I think regardless of the reason behind the tears is the realization that you control how you react.

You can bob in the water, gasping for air every time your head breaks the surface. You can flail and flap and make a commotion. You can sink to the bottom of the pool and lay there waiting for someone to scoop you up. Or you can doggie paddle yourself over to the shore and get yourself out of it. I’m more of a doggie paddler myself. How about you?

This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday.

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “point.” Open a book on your lap, close your eyes, and put your finger on the page. Whatever you land on, whether it be a word, a phrase, or a sentence, write about it. Enjoy!

Happy Saturday!

-Kat

Bone #SoCS

IMG_7472I was so pumped up! I was ready! After months and months of reading others’ Stream of Consciousness Saturday posts, I was ready! I had my link and SoCS badge set up and prepared to do their job. I read the prompt on Friday and had spent 24 hours letting it float around in my brain. 

Seriously! 

I sat down and got to the business of writing, but first I wanted to check in and see what the word prompts were for a few other challenges. I figured it wouldn’t hurt to see if they might make an appearance in my post. 

And that’s when I saw it. 

Someone else’s post for the SoCS challenge. 

I blinked my eyes, hoping to clear the blasted floaters and blurriness. That had to be it, right? My eyes were playing tricks on me, right? I took off my glasses and held them up at the light coming through the window. No smudges. Without glasses, I looked back at the screen. There was absolutely no doubt about it. My eyes had let me down. 

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While I was pondering how to write streamingly and consciously about the word hone, the prompt was actually bone

Better luck next week, right?

Stream of Consciousness Saturday- October 27, 2018

Have a great weekend!

-Kat