Hopeful Thoughts

I hope that one day my children will realize how much I love them. I hope they know that I’ve only wanted the very best for them. My parents were imperfect people but there has never been a day in my life when I ever doubted their love. I hope my kids can find it in their hearts to let go of all the damage I might have done while trying to be the best mom I could. 

I guess I didn’t think that after parenting for 30 years that I could feel like I did it all wrong. They aren’t bad people. In fact, I think they are pretty awesome. But there are times when I think one or two of them might feel they survived despite my parenting- not as a result of it. 

If I try to help, I’m interfering. If I give them space, I’m abandoning them. If I ask too many questions, I’m being nosy and if I wait for them to come to me, I’m ignoring them. And I can’t show emotions….nope, don’t get me started on that one. 

I hope this is all just me beating myself up over something that has nothing to do with me. 

It’s not easier when they grow up. Especially while experiencing major life events during a pandemic. (And being their parent during this time isn’t a walk in the park either!)

The bottom line is-

I love my kids more than anything in the world. 

I will do anything and everything I can do to help them.

I think they are amazing human beings- kind, generous and funny. 

I wish them nothing but happiness and love. 

I hope they know that.

This post is in response to Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday- July 10, 2021- Hope. To find out more about this challenge click on the link or the badge at the top of this post.

Here’s hoping for better days!

-Kat

Finding Motivation

I’m doing a great job of ignoring the voice in my head that’s been screaming for months. What’s it saying? Ugh. I don’t even want to go there. But I’m the one bringing it up so I have no choice but to share it. “The only way to write is to write!!!” That’s what it says most of the time. But then lately it’s been interrupted by a louder, angrier voice yelling out in a booming voice that ricochets around my head- “COVER YOUR NOSE!!!” That annoying voice is my constant companion when I’m out in public. Luckily most of my face is covered by a mask so the only thing a person might see is my eyes expressing my displeasure at the voice…. and their nose being uncovered.

I’ve contemplated printing up flyers to hand to people or toss into their shopping carts politely showing them the correct way to wear their mask. I’ve considered writing in bold black sharpie “COVER YOUR F-ING NOSE” or “WEAR A MASK” on the back of my shopping list. My son, who sometimes accompanies me on these shopping trips, looks uneasy and almost anxious when I bring up my ideas. It might be the real reason he rarely comes with anymore.

But none of this has anything to do with my lack of motivation for writing. I have a bit to say but lately it’s more about the pandemic than anything else. I keep thinking that this is something I should be filling journals with and yet, I can’t write much at all.

I’m hoping this epic writer’s block hits the road soon. We are coming into the colder months and being cooped inside with my people and no motivation to write might get the best of me!!

Stream of Consciousness Saturday- -tion

Stay safe!

-Kat