I have a bone to pick with you humans. Really….I do!
It has to do with your obsession with cleaning. Seriously. A little dust or fur never hurt anyone. It’s good enough for me to lay with, right? Besides, it’s incredibly rude to steal all the good little tidbits and smells I have been saving.
I spend hours carefully deconstructing my toys, piece by piece. Do you have any idea how hard it is to take apart a stuffed animal with your teeth while holding it between your paws (which do not have thumbs!!!)? I put a lot of time and effort into pulling out those beady little eyes and ripping out each ear, arm, leg and tail. Those parts are perfect little nuggets to suck on. And that fluff? There is no greater satisfaction than to nibble a hole into my
victim toy to begin the de-fluffing process and look up minutes later to be surrounded by piles of glorious stuffing and a much deflated piece of animal pelt. (A dog can dream, can’t she?)
But no. You cannot let the fluff and body parts lay there- signs of a productive afternoon. You rush around gathering it all up and tossing it into the trash. And I’m not sure what is worse- the insult of sitting there watching you do it in front of me or the injury felt when I come back in from an outside visit to…. you know… only to find that you threw my treasures away!?!?
And let’s not forget the various crumbs. Oh, those scrumptious morsels that drop unseen by you people! They are so very tasty and they leave a savory residue on the carpet that I could lick for days. Well, that is unless you vacuum them up!!!
Sometimes if I’m really lucky, a bug will find its way into the house. There is nothing more fun than trying to catch one of those little buggers!! The flying ones are the best because I love snapping in the air, trying to catch them in my mouth. Yet you create such drama every time you find one. It’s bad enough when you scoop it up on a piece of paper and toss it outside but when you roll up a newspaper and pulverize it? Sheesh! I could have done that myself. Why do you insist on spoiling my fun? Especially the tricky ones that have stingers. I still haven’t quite figured out how to conquer them but how will I if you keep interfering?
Is it really worth all that extra work? First, when you pull out the vacuum cleaner, it never fails that the last person to use it did not empty the canister. This requires you to take it outside and beat it against the trash can to loosen up all the dust and fur that is caught in the filter. The sound of you banging in the trash like that causes a major commotion as I have to warn the neighborhood that it’s okay and no one is being hurt- just you setting up to steal all my fun.
Then it never fails. You can’t figure out the right way to put the parts back together again so depending on the day, it takes you longer to reassemble the vacuum than it takes you to actually use it!
Finally, you never understand what my problem is. You think that maybe I don’t understand what that horrible machine is doing but I know exactly what it is doing. It’s clearing away my evidence of a job well done, or my stress reliever parts- especially the ears!!!, or my snacks and smells! I’m offended at both it and you and I’m determined that everyone know exactly how I feel.
Sooooo, the next time you open the closet door with the intention of cleaning- give yourself a break and me a treat and shut that door!