Tag: lgbt

Loves of My Life

Loves of My Life

From the moment I first saw you
The second that you were born
I knew that you were the love of my life
Quite simply the love of my life

My college kids are home for spring break. My oldest kid and his family are temporarily living with us. My house is full, as is my heart. These people are my world.

They are technically all legal adults. I know that we are in a new stage where they are letting go even more. I see and feel the changes each time I see them. It is fascinating and sad all at the same time.

Not that long ago I wrote about a Blindside that shook our family to its core. What I did not write about was what immediately followed, which was a major betrayal that occurred at the hands of same person. I was the target of that second attack.  I can honestly say that I have never felt so completely betrayed by another person in my entire life. What this has done to my family makes it even worse.

Having all of my kids together on the heels of two upsetting incidents makes this visit an important one. Our tribe just got smaller and we are on shaky ground. We need this time to dust ourselves off, take stock and see that we are okay.

Not all siblings of trans kids are supportive but when Kris came out, his brothers showed him a level of solidarity and love that continues to bring tears to my eyes. I did not tell them that they should do this. They just did.

As I’ve talked to my oldest, Michael, on ways to get past this…..as I’ve talked to Kris about an apology he was given and accepted although he questioned the sincerity or intent behind it……as I’ve talked with Andrew, my baby, about how distressed he has been since hearing what happened to Kris…….I’ve been reminded of all that we have been through together- beginning with the long months I carried them, to giving birth to them and raising them, they make up such a substantial part of my heart and my life.

They are my weakness and my strength tied together and attached to my heart. I am fiercely protective of them. Even when they think they don’t need me. Even when they are  parents themselves. Even when I need them myself.

I want to know that they are okay and that we are okay. Weathering the events of this past month has been a trial, at best. I want to cry  which I have  and scream which I probably should have (correction- I did scream and then some) and shake the living @#%& out of someone which I cannot.

My heart is riding on a runaway train.

But more than anything, I want to gather my kids close to me, like I did when they were younger….. and tell them that everything will be okay.

When Your Kid is Non-Binary…

When Your Kid is Non-Binary…

…or genderqueer or gender nonconforming or gender fluid…..

There are things you experience that others do not when your kid falls into one or all of the above categories.

Kris and Andy are home for spring break this week. Yay! We stopped at a fast food place for lunch and needed a bathroom break before ordering our food. Andy and I went to our respective restrooms with Kris trailing behind. I idly wondered if he would end up in the women’s room or not. Although he used the men’s room most of the time, since coming out he had come in with me twice in 4 years. This time he did not.

When I joined Kris and Andy, I moved toward the counter to order. “I still need to use the restroom.” I turned to Kris. “I haven’t decided which one to use.”

I told him I thought he had gone in with Andy. Andy added that he was surprised when Kris did not follow him in and then concluded that Kris had ended up with me.

Kris shook his head and said, “No. I wasn’t sure which one I wanted to go in.”

It was kind of a funny moment and Kris went off to use the facilities.

You might be wondering which one he chose? I don’t know because in the end, does it really matter?

There are Days

There are Days

We all have those days and I’m sure many others have written about them. Nothing I’m saying will be original or probably anything you haven’t thought yourself- regardless of what your life is like.

There are days when——-

I want to just be a mom with three boys who goes day to day doing everyday random things. Counting outlets so I can purchase enough outlet covers to baby-proof the house. Find a playpen. Organize my blogging calendar. (Organize my closet.)

I don’t want to know more about everything trans than anyone else I personally know.

I don’t want to give an opinion on “bathroom bills” or Caitlyn Jenner or the Duggars or anything that is trending in my newsfeed unless it’s that I can’t wait to see the new Disney movie because it looks too cute.

I would rather not have to decide what Jenner jokes are offensive and what to say about them.

And what do I let pass.

And how do I forget who posted it and not hold it against them.

And remind myself that not everyone knows that I have a trans kid. Then remind myself that it doesn’t matter.

I want to talk to whoever I run into and not have to remember if they know or not, evaluate the conversation, decide if I should say something or not…. I want to just talk.

I would like my siblings to be sisters and brother. For them to be great-aunts and great-uncle to my awesome beautiful grandsons. Aunts and uncle to my children.

There are days when I want to believe that Kris is fine. I want to believe that despite the signs that his anxiety is elevated that he had a nice time visiting his girlfriend for the last two weeks. I want to believe that his job search won’t stress him out big-time and that he will make some money before he leaves for college in the fall and that he will have money to bring with him. I want to believe that he will make friends again someday. That he will find true happiness with someone. That he will find his passion and live it. That he will experience parenthood. And I want to believe all of these things JUST BECAUSE.

But this isn’t one of those days. Those days were 4 years ago and I didn’t know that they would disappear over night. Don’t get me wrong. I still have those moments. Just not those days.

Sometimes I feel that little thought whispering in the back of my mind- “Wouldn’t it be nice…just for one day?”

Then I watch as Andy prints out something, looks at it and smiles. Ignoring me, he bounds up the stairs and I hear him say something to Kris in low tones and they both laugh. I’m pretty sure they aren’t laughing at me. Or who knows? Maybe they are. Either way, I love the closeness they share.

And I think about all the other times in the past week that my children have shown their love for each other in small ways. Jasmine reaching out to both Kris and Andrew when she’s busy with two small children. Michael checking in with Kris when he’s not around. CJ’s unconditional love for his uncles and baby brother.

And I know that it’s okay that those days are gone. My reality is more real. My family is tighter. And we are all stronger.

Besides…those days are totally overrated anyway.

The Other Side of the Coin

As the parent of a transgender child, I worry a lot. I’m a worrier by nature so this came to me naturally. Sadly, the worries are very real and very scary when it comes to Kris. This article was out and about in the T world a few weeks ago and I began this post back then. Life got in the way and it sat here waiting to be written.

I Am Queer, I Am Non-Binary, and I Don’t Know What It Means to Feel Safe in Public

After reading this article, I asked Kris if he ever felt unsafe in public. He said that he felt he passed and that he was in no real danger. I reminded him to be mindful of his surroundings and it was no different now than it was when he was a teenage girl wandering around alone.

It really scares me that he isn’t just a little afraid. But deep down inside I think that he is. He has this habit of burying things and just shutting down. The first time he did this where someone other than me noticed it was in 4th grade but I can trace it back to when he was 4 and stopped speaking to everyone except us, his parents and his brothers. He has done it regularly for the past 18 years and if he’s closed shop and locked the doors, no one is getting in until he’s ready to share. On the subject of his safety, he is closed.

Back when he went away to school, when he first came out and was actually “in transition” bouncing back and forth between a female and male appearance, someone attempted to mug him while he was out shopping. He apparently broke away from his assailant and ran into the nearest store, staying there until it was safe to leave. I didn’t hear about any of it until after the fact. It made me sick to hear it. I worried even more about his safety.

When I first read this article, I focused on the dangers presented by strangers…. people who might pose a threat to a person who appeared to be transgender.

After yesterday’s Navy- Seal incident, I was forced to face another reality. What if the threat was not an anonymous person who was transphobic but someone Kris knows who was targeting him specifically?

Well, that’s all I’m going to say on this for now. I have to work on Writer’s Quotes and Wonderful thoughts for the day!

Have a good one!