Fuzzy Friday (working title…or maybe not)

I am featuring my friend, Charissa from Charissa’s Grace Notes for this week’s Friday Fuzz. I met Charissa here in the blogging world and ever since our first encounter, my life has not been the same. Her impact has been that powerful- everything she writes is SO there….. (which is so incredibly articulate that I feel like a stuttering child in her presence). Her poetry is so beautiful and moving. Her prose is precise and powerful. Her personality is enigmatic, engaging, warm, charismatic….. She’s very cool.

When we first met, she was in the early stages of coming out in her real life. She was straddling two worlds and I have to tell you, I was blown away. I had witnessed my son try that as a college student (living in the girls’ dorm with a female roommate) and I knew it wasn’t easy.

Well, she is now fully Charissa. She’s got the all important documents. She is able to live as herself full time, not just on weekends or away from her hometown. And let me tell you, she is a force to be reckoned with.

Earlier this week I wrote- Handle With Care, a post in which I offer some advice to people who might have a transgender person in their lives. I’m sharing two of Charissa’s posts from earlier this week. They will give you just the smallest fraction of insight into WHY I wrote the post.

What I Wish People Understood About Dysphoria…

“people in my life get discouraged and frustrated with me because the next day is sometimes worse than the day before after 3 days of steadily increasing days of life and hope…”

I ache for Charissa and Kris and every single transgender person who feels this way. And I want to SHAKE those people who JUST DON’T GET IT! This isn’t a switch you turn on and POOF transitioning is over! There is a rant inside me that I’m keeping inside for now. For Kris it has been 3-1/2 years and it is not over. I don’t think it will ever be over. Maybe for some trans people, it does end and they just live happily ever after. I want that for Kris. I want it more than anything else. For most of us, it’s not that easy. When you are facing a stacked deck, relatives who look through you when they are the ones who you should be able to count on, discrimination and judgment, it’s harder.

He/She…

“…I was called this today. It wasn’t malicious in intent…but it was vicious in result.  Apparently this person had referred to me that way behind my back and felt guilty about it. So they confessed to me today…”

There is a girl. Let’s call her Shelly. Our families have known each other for years. Our kids are all the same age, went to school together, grew up together, participated in the same activities. Shelly is now 21 and works stocking shelves at Target. I’ve seen her there on more than one occasion and we would say hi in passing. About a year ago, she was working the register and we talked as she checked out my groceries. Totally unbidden, she said, “Oh, I saw Kerri or whatever she is,” in the most derisive tone and a smirk on her face. I get it. Kerri was a very unique teenager. (More unique than most of us realized.) I never knew what that kid was going to wear to school and more than once I asked, “Are you sure about this? You’re definitely making a fashion statement here.” Why did I even bother? The outfit was worn and I was regaled with a list of compliments received at the end of the day. Kerri was like that and I really want to believe that this is what Shelly was referring to….but in my heart, I knew the truth. I stood there and stared her down. I wanted to slap her. Her mother raised her better than that. And if it had been 8 years ago when we were closer, I might have called her mother. I walked away sick and mad and praying that no one ever did that to Kris’s face.

People need to realize-

A person’s right to transition in order to live in the body they were given is THEIR right and NO ONE ELSE’S BUSINESS.

EVERYONE has the right to live.

WORDS HURT!

Thank you for being here- it means a lot to me!

Kat

friday fuzz

Friday Fuzz

friday fuzzLeelah Alcorn- You might recognize this name. If you do, it probably fills you with sadness to hear it, like it does me. If not, you will want to read the following post. Google her name. You won’t lack for reading material. So much has been written about the tragic death of Leelah, who killed herself. I had to stop reading everything that was filling my newsfeed. It made me want to grab Kris, hold onto him so tightly that I didn’t have to worry about losing him. Being the parent of a transgender child, this story touches me deeply. It’s a constant worry.

I’m sharing a post written by friend, Michelle at Because I’m Fabulous. Having a transgender child is just like having any other child. There are no cookie cutter children. We don’t order a sugar cookie and that’s what we get. That sugar cookie might have raisins hidden inside, it might come with red frosting, it might not have any sugar at all! Her post “It’s not about you” is written from a mother’s heart and I think it translates easily into terms we can all relate to. It is about Leelah, but it’s also about being a parent and a very basic fundamental rule that parents sometimes forget, don’t realize or ignore. When you are a parent, it’s not about you.

In Facebook and blog posts I have been noticing more parents of transgender children reaching out to other transgender people and their families, offering support, an ear, whatever—- and I would like to do the same. You are not alone. Please, feel free to contact me- either here at this blog or through my Facebook Page- Dandelion Fuzz.

Transgender People and Theology

friday fuzz

 

The following segment- Transgender People and Theology was on Religion and Ethics Newsweekly at PBS.org.

I don’t talk  religion or politics- EVER. If you are familiar with my blog, then you already know this. If not, now you know. I keep my opinions to myself and don’t engage in any kind of debate on these two topics. I did find this piece to be very interesting and I liked the calm, matter of fact presentation. It gave me a good feel.

Friday Fuzz- Judgment

Today’s Friday Fuzz feature is an article I came across. It is written by a transgender man. It is simple but it really does cut to the heart of the matter.

Growing up transgender: Transgender man reflects on growing up w/gender dysphoria, hopes for future

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I don’t have a lot to say about this article. It speaks to me. It touches my heart.

I didn’t hope and pray for a kid that I would spend 18 years trying to figure out.

My son didn’t ask to be born in a girl’s body.

We shouldn’t be judged because we are trying to help him live a life that others take for granted because they were lucky enough to be born with everything lined up and matching.

If more people would take the time to listen and learn and stop judging and hiding behind their fear of the unknown, the world would be a better place for everyone.