Calling All Friends

I’m looking for friends. I know, it sounds a little strange and pathetic, doesn’t it?

I write under a pen name. My reasons aren’t anything exciting and if you also write under a pen name, you probably share at least one of them.

  • I am incredibly shy- in real life and here, in our blogging universe- it’s just who I am.
  • Although I have never faced a harsh word here, I’m still timid when it comes to sharing my writing.
  • If I was to write under the name I was given, I suspect that I would face criticism from some and to be honest here, I just don’t want to hear it.
  • My children have lives of their own and I want to respect their privacy.
  • One of those children is transgender and in what could easily become a changing climate, I am protecting their identity.

Why am I looking for friends now?

When I began writing this blog, I intended to fill out my profile more and create a presence on social media that is separate from my day to day life. I created accounts all over and became overwhelmed quickly. Anyone who is connected to me through them can attest to this.  Looking back, I realize that I took on too much all at once.

I want to be able to support and advocate for my child and the LGBT community. I really am a fierce mama bear. Displaying that fierceness in my day to day life will hurt my ability to help the very people I am championing. I would like to achieve a balance between expressing myself authentically (here) and doing the important behind the scenes work needed to help trans kids locally (at school).

So, I am looking to build up my tribe! If you would like to connect socially, I’m including my info below. And I am more than willing to return the favor! Since I can’t be two places as once, these will be my primary social medias with the personal ones being used for the cute little kid pics and the things people expect to hear from me in my everyday life.

If not, I understand. We live in a world where there is SO much social media and interaction that sometimes you need to draw the line.

Facebook- My profile name is Kat Carpita or you can send me a message on my Facebook page- Dandelion Fuzz (on the right sidebar)

Twitter- @katcarpita or you can find my Twitter feed here on the right sidebar

Pinterest- Kat Carpita

And a few final words-

Thank you for being here and reading my posts! Your support has given me the courage and confidence to keep writing!

Have a glorious day! I hope you are enjoying amazing weather like we are here in the Midwest!






It’s a Sign

I debated writing this post. Then I debated publishing it. Sometimes people suck. Really really suck.

I had this crazy idea last week. I am in a few Facebook groups as both the other me and Kat me. At the time that I did this, it seemed like a good idea. My logic was that I would never be able to build up a presence anywhere except here if I didn’t exist anywhere but here but as some of you already know, when you are using a pen name and don’t want to reveal it to everyone you know, it’s a bit tricky making friends. Unfortunately, I have found it difficult to make myself comment in these groups as Kat when I’m already there as me. It seems deceitful and since Kat and I are one and the same, we have identical lives which I can’t comment on as both of us…. I mean me. (Have I confused you yet?)

That brings us up to last week. I was going to blow my cover in one of my groups- I haven’t really said a word as Kat in that group so I thought it would be a good place to start. I wasn’t planning on letting the world know about the two me’s but just this one place.

And then I opened an e-mail Friday morning and KABOOM landmine.

One of my sibs who barely gives me the time of day confronted me. I was accused of slandering his and his family’s name and reputation all over Facebook and of having been doing it for years. Simply put- my posts about my little family (me, husband, kids, grandkids) and how super close we were and my posts about how awesome my best friends are and a few general comments about wishing others were more supportive was taken as me insinuating that my sibs were not supportive (due to my omitting their names when mentioning my family or friends). According to the charges- those posts resulted in multiple extended family members contacting my sibs and sharing their uninformed and mistaken assumptions made out of thin air (because none of these people ever contacted me). Are you getting that? I was ordered by this sib to apologize and admit that I was to blame.

Uhm, the problem? I have never said a word about them. If I have said that I wished some family was more supportive- that’s pretty much what I said- “I wish some family was more supportive.” And as I looked through almost 4 years of Facebook posts (which is not as nostalgic, warm and fuzzy as you might think when you see every single thing….) I saw that I might have said something like that twice or possibly 3 times- and usually in  a response to a direct question. (And never referring directly to a family member by name or relationship- just general “some family” or even more vague- “some people”.)

First- I trusted the extended family in the sense that I thought these people were supportive of Kris and my family. I did not think anyone would take an omission and twist it into me claiming that my sibs weren’t supportive. Next, there was the tone of the e-mail. This was not a “let’s work this out” e-mail. I was already guilty and wasn’t going to get my say.

I asked who it was, I asked a lot of things, I got really upset because my sib automatically believed someone’s perception and blew this up into a major drama instead of simply asking me about it. I was told that sib needed to “respect the person(s) right to privacy”.  And so there was my next problem- there were people I could not trust on Facebook and I had no clue who it was.

If you are on the transgender journey yourself or with a loved one, you know how important things like trust and support are. You get so many crazy versions of these things that the suggestion that someone you thought was trustworthy is not is an issue.

And just like that, in the blink of an eye, my sib made Facebook an unsafe place for me. I did not know who was friend and who was not. And because my sib just DOES NOT GET IT, he doesn’t realize what he did. The responses to my e-mails were further attacks on my character by the remaining sibs supporting sib one. Just like that I was under siege and no one would listen to me. Worst of all was that my parents, who I thought might have been coming around, were included on all the e-mails and they have remained perfectly silent throughout this. I guess maybe they have not come around… Except that my mother called twice and left a message for me to call her. So, I guess she does support us….as long as no one knows about it. (Oh, yes, that’s what we are dealing with.)

While I was doing battle with my sibs, which actually consisted of each sib launching their carefully timed attacks in e-mail form one e-mail each, then sib one just started firing and firing and firing at me while the other sibs and parents remained silent on the sidelines watching. And they were out for blood. I’m still not sure what hurt more- the cruel attack by sib one or the silence of the other sibs and parents.

I proceeded to block every family member by blood or marriage (with the exception of my kids and husband) on Facebook so I could breathe and know that if I wanted to share 50 quotes about crappy families I could do so safely without fear of repercussions or people assuming they know who it is directed at or anything. It might seem like a drastic move but everyone is connected to everyone else and I didn’t know what else to do. How do I even go about finding out who I can trust?

Well, as I have been accepting the fact that I’m on my own here, I realized that it was darn good thing that I didn’t expose myself as Kat anywhere. Can you even imagine what would happen if the sibs found out about this blog? I would probably end up being sued.

I took that e-mail as a sign that perhaps I should stay under wraps for a while longer. Meanwhile cue the crickets as I sit here waiting for sibs to respond to my e-mail……

And they’re still really ticked off that I don’t see them as being supportive. (I’m serious.)

AND, I’m still not sure if I should have written and/or published this. Boo 😦


Hashtags Scare Me

When I began my blog, I wasn’t even thinking about social media. I had personal Facebook and Twitter (yes, my Twitter-phobia out dates my blogging experience, Hugh!) accounts. While I keep close touch of my Facebook, Twitter is often neglected for months on end. The topic of using social media along with blogging presented me with a problem that is not unique to just me.

-How to use social media when you’re using a pen name……

FACEBOOK-Dandelion Fuzz

Originally I created a new account with my name- Kat Carpita… The only glitch. I didn’t have any friends that I could “friend” without giving away my name. One of my reasons for using a pen name was to protect Kris’s identity. Pretty quickly I felt like I had split personalities. I didn’t want to make up information because I’m me whether I’m using this name or that.  I was stumped. It’s kind of hard to say, “Hey, wanna be my friend? By the way, this isn’t my real name….. (I’m still stumped….and friendless.) Maybe there’s a special facebook group I can join for writers using pen names who want to make friends….. Anyone know of one?

So I set that aside and created a Facebook Page for Dandelion Fuzz. That has gone pretty slow because I can’t really promote the page on my personal Facebook- same problem…… Am I the only one who has a problem with this? Maybe that’s another group that I need….


I LOVE Pinterest!! Absolutely love it. And since I love it, I figured I might as well create an account under my name. I’m sure it’s another avenue to get my blog out there. I just haven’t set aside the time to figure out how to do it. So until then, my Pinterest boards mostly have to do with writing, quotes, prompts and things along that line. My blog posts have not made it into the Pinterest world yet…. Is anyone using Pinterest? And if so, how do you use it in a blogging/writing capacity? I have no problem managing Pinterest on a personal level. I can spend hours pinning away.

dum de dum dum

TWITTER @katcarpita@katcarpita

I have a confession to make. Hashtags scare me. They scare me to the extent that I’m not even sure if they are one or two words. I thought they were one word but I see I have a zig zaggy red line under “hashtags” which tells me I’ve spelled it wrong?  So I really need to get a handle on the #’s. And yes, I don’t understand Twitter and I openly admit that I’ve spent more time complaining that I don’t get it than actually trying to get it.

For such a quiet person, I find myself exceeding the word limit most of the time and spending way too much time trying to re-word what I have to say. I seem to go in stops and starts. I know, I know. I can see you all shaking your heads, thinking, come on, Kat, it’s not that hard. You’ll have to trust me when I say it’s frustrating for me because I know I should understand it. 🙂 It’s causing me to have flashbacks to my high school data processing class that I nearly failed. (The ONLY class that I got a D in.)

My first step is going to be to go back to the beginning and read up on Twitter as if I had never seen it before. Then I’ll head back to my badly neglected Twitter account and try my hand at tweeting and hashtagging and interacting with the Twitting…..Tweeting world. (I will try not to drive Hugh crazy with a million questions, too!)

I’m going to take another look at Hugh’s – An Insider’s Guide to Planet Blog and More Blogging Tips From The Insider On Planet Blog . While I’m revisiting helpful blog posts, I’m also going to head over to Ronovan’s place to check out the archives in his Twitter Category. If you have Twitter issues, like I do, or are just looking for some good solid blogging tips, check these guys out!



Kat Got Your Tongue- Let’s Get Social!


Welcome to this week’s Kat Got Your Tongue Challenge!

I want to hear your thoughts on social media. It can be in relation to your blog- what social media do you use? or don’t use? What have you found to be successful? Or what really did NOT work?

Do you love it? Hate it? Tolerate it?

Do you have any tips to share?

Do you keep your blog’s social media separate from your private accounts?

Want to share links? Feel free to share them either in a pingback or in the comments section.

I will share them in next week’s prompt.


Each Monday a prompt will be posted in the form of a word, phrase, photo, song, poem…

Share your thoughts in your own post in any form you like over the next week. You can write a poem, rant, share a picture…..

Create a pingback- (linking your post to the challenge post) or post in the comment section.

Remember to tag your post “katgotyourtongue” so we can find your post!

If you would like, you are welcome to use the “Kat Got Your Tongue Challenge” badge in your post.

This is a “just for fun” challenge- everyone is a winner here! I look forward to hearing what you have to say!

Have fun!