After what ended up being a very long week for both of us, I found myself holding Beej and rocking to a song that has been soothing him for most of his three and a half years. We were in his room, formerly known as Kris’s. He was overtired and wanted me to read but my gut told me that holding him was the right way to go. I told him, “I need to remember why I’m doing this.” In true Beej fashion he gave my words some consideration and decided that this worked for him.
He rested his head on my shoulder as I sat down on Kris’s bed. The room was still Kris’s when they came home so it was a mix of both Kris and Beej. Having to be Beej-proof, it was more three year old than adult Kris. It was the room we had chosen for Kris when we first moved in over twenty years ago, although it would be a few years before Kris actually slept here. Having shared a room with big brother Michael for four years caused Kris to be scared of being alone and missing their brother. This resulted in a musical chairs game of rooms and Andrew spent some time in the pink room surrounded by Kris’s belongings.
While we listened to Beej’s old “rocking to sleep” playlist, I remembered moving kids around from room to room until everyone landed where they belonged. And belong they did! Although none of them have lived at home full-time in four years, they have staked their claims on their rooms. Wrenching Kris’s room from their tightly clenched fists has been brutal. Kris is always welcome to stay in their room but they understand that if Beej is spending the night, Kris will have a roommate.
As I sat there, it seemed a bit surreal to be rocking a grandchild in a room where one of my own kids grew up.
Those days when I was kept busy non-stop seem so long ago and yet there are so many times when I’m in the middle of a day with CJ and Beej that an overwhelming sense of deja vu strikes and it’s the most familiar feeling in the world.
This isn’t where I thought I would be but I know it’s where I’m supposed to be.
So in response to today’s (2 weeks ago’s) blogging challenge prompt- Biggest regret- I have to say- No regrets.
Have a great day!