Onward

I’ve been in crisis mode for awhile now. I think too much. My good friend tells me this all the time and it’s only recently that I’ve come to realize that he is right. (Please, don’t tell him though because it will just feed his ego.)

When I began this blog, I had a clear goal- to connect with others while sharing my experience having a transgender child. It was straight forward and clear. I have never been picky about who I connect with- I enjoy the interaction with everyone. I didn’t want my blog to be “all trans- all the time” because quite honestly, there is more to my life than just being the mother of a transgender kid. I love the photography challenges and daily prompts.

But I have drifted away from writing about the one thing that brought me here in the first place- having that trans kid. I have also drifted away from writing in general, which was a huge part of me long before my children were ever born and I really need to get back to that.

I attempted to back off on writing about Kris, justifying it with the explanation to myself that I really needed to sort my feelings out before sharing. Months have gone by and each time I sit down to write and I look at the unfinished (or sometimes not even started outside of a title) drafts, I realize that the excuse (and it IS an excuse) is wearing thin.

And I’m overthinking it all- Kris, why I can’t write about Kris, why I can’t write….

NaNoWriMo is breathing down my neck and this year I WILL WIN, if for no other reason than to get myself writing regularly again.

So, without further ado and nearly 300 words later, where I am (and Kris too)—the short and sweet version(or as short as I can make it):

  • As I have mentioned, Kris is non-binary and doesn’t really identify as male or female .
  • Kris prefers the pronouns “they, them, their” but is not hung up on it when misgendered.
  • Kris’s gender expression is female-the source of the misgendering.
  • Sometimes Kris might want to dress in a more masculine manner (as seen by society’s norms) but that makes them no more male than their everyday appearance, which is more feminine, makes them a girl.
  • By some people’s standards, Kris is not considered to be transgender- but by Kris’s standards they are (and that’s the only one that matters).
  • I owe no one an explanation.
  • I love Kris no matter what they wear or what name they go by.
  • I don’t have to have an epiphany.
  • I don’t have to have a lot of feelings about it.
  • They thought they were a boy but they aren’t.
  • They feel more comfortable expressing themselves in a feminine manner, which just happens to match the body they were given. Okay.
  • Kris is still Kris and that’s the same person they always were.
  • I love my kid.

Now that that’s out of the way, I really need to get back to writing this blog, improving my photography skills, and getting moving on ideas for my NaNo novel!!!

Happy Monday!

-Kat

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11 thoughts on “Onward

  1. I am coming to terms with this also. My child has publicly announced on FB this month that they are trans-gender. I have know for most of this year. I’ve read, listened, talked and tried to understand what they feel, but to me they are still my child, and I don’t really see much change. They don’t really want to transition to male fully (at last speaking), but would like the boobs gone and to have male/neutral pronouns and non-feminine descriptives. In the end what matters is that my child is happier, what more can you want?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Claudette, how old is your child? You are doing all the right things. It isn’t easy to understand how a transgender person feels but trying to- that’s huge! We can never know how our kids feel so we have to take it on faith and support them. There is no right or wrong way to do it. 🙂

      I do know that it has put my emotions through the wringer (lol) but in the end, it’s been good for me. I think I’ve grown as a person because of the experience. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My child is 19. I’m feeling ok about it now, but at first I was pretty emotional (losing a daughter, blah, blah, blah). hardest part is trying to remember pronouns and name – my unconscious just goes by their birth name/gender when i am trying to get thier atention (like calling them from up the other end of the house) and then I feel stupid when I correct. Ah well, it will happen. Not sure what the future will bring, but I jsut want them to be happy and healthy. I too think that I am growing because of this, which is a good thing, I just wish the world would be more accepting of difference.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Kris was 18 when they came out to us. I remember thinking there was no way I would ever be able to refer to Kerri as Kris and he/him/his and then one day I realized that I was doing it without thinking about it! Even in my head- which for me, was major. Of course then Kris changed their name and pronouns again and although the pronoun change is more difficult this time (they, them, their) the name change was actually not really difficult and as I anticipate another name change, I know I can handle it. 🙂

        I share your wish for the world to be more accepting. In the last five years since Kris came out, there has been so much more awareness and that leaves me hopeful.

        Liked by 1 person

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