Family · Friday Fuzz · Gender

The Crux

Crux. What a cool word! It just came to me. Or maybe I read it somewhere and it jumped off the page shouting, “Hey! Looking for me?”

noun: crux
  1. the decisive or most important point at issue.
    “the crux of the matter is that attitudes have changed”
    synonyms: nub, heart, essence, central point, main point, core, center, nucleus, kernel;

    informalbottom line
    “with whom John will be living is the crux of the situation”

Regardless, it is the perfect word to describe this post by my friend, Charissa.

What I Wish Every Person Knew


If the person who sent you this text was someone who claims unconditional love and support for you (to your mother and all others) but had not contacted you at all in the past year, how would you feel about this text? Kris elected not to respond.

As Kris’s mom, I have issues with this text- then again, I have many issues with the sender so this should be no surprise.

My point is—the crux is— how can Kris feel supported or accepted by this behavior? Kris has not heard from the sender again. But in the sender’s mind, she has already mentally checked Kris off  her to-do list and added this task to her “signs I support Kris” list. And in my head, at the time she texted I see a scene in my head of her watching tv, having a beer or two, a commercial for that Jenner interview comes on AGAIN and her thinking, “Damn! I probably should text K…” And seconds later, she’s engrossed in her show again, Kris all but forgotten.

How would you feel if you received this as the only contact you got from someone who touts herself as a very supportive person?

Is it really that difficult to text, e-mail, call? To make a real effort to connect with another human being, one you have known his entire life and say that you love?

*This text was sent before “the interview” aired.

9 thoughts on “The Crux

  1. Thanks Sissa… I am honored.

    In my case there is someone who eviscerates me every day and then claims to be a Trans ally and fierce supporter. . And says that all her Trans friend say her actions are totally fine.

    Ummmmmm. Okay

    Liked by 1 person

  2. She is either not supportive (by the usual definition) or doesn’t know how to be. Sometimes people simply don’t know what to say and by default, say nothing at all or the wrong thing. I don’t know which category she might fall under. Maybe a combination of both?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Since she has a strong background in psychology, I’m leaning toward not supportive. I’ve sent articles, given examples numerous times. Each time I’m asked “How can we support?” and I give them the articles and tell them exactly what will show support, they all fall completely silent and we hear nothing from them. We are currently on our 4th round of this since Kris came out almost 4 years ago.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Sounds like my sister Amy, who didn’t send anything for Jeremy’s birthday this year, not even a card. Apparently she didn’t know if we were still exchanging birthday presents because I said I didn’t want to exchange Christmas presents anymore. Which would be fair except a) I’ve already sent both her children birthday presents since Christmas and b) she never once tried to contact me. But she called my parents’ house during Jeremy’s birthday party and talked to zir for a couple of minutes (asking me if she could talk to “him”).

    She considers herself a trans ally and I’m pretty sure she figured she’d done enough to keep in zir life too.

    Blargh… some people!!!

    Liked by 1 person

Hi! I would love to hear from you!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s