It’s Time

In his post for Be Wonderful on Wednesday, Ronovan writes about being okay with who you are. It really made me think. I know people who act like they are really fine with who they are and I know people who don’t like themselves much at all. Then there are so many people who seem okay with themselves but have a few things they might like to change. And I thought about where I am.

“It’s time to begin, isn’t it?
I get a little bit bigger but then I’ll admit
I’m just the same as I was
Now don’t you understand
That I’m never changing who I am”

-Imagine Dragons, It’s Time

When my middle child came out as transgender 3 years and 10 months ago, my world changed overnight. As he transitioned, so did our family and our lives. I felt many things, which I talk about in am upcoming post that is in the works right now. It was too much to process at times and I cried. A LOT.

But in my calmer, more rational moments, I would take a good look at what I was feeling and figure out why I was feeling that way. I had not given transgender people or my feelings for them any thought until I had a trans kid. Through this very uncomfortable and revealing process, I was able to see who I really was. Being a shy and introverted, involved mom/grandma, people have a very clear perception of who they think I am. By 2011, I had been living with that for over 21 years and I realized at that time, it was smothering me. Through the years, I had a sense that I was not exactly how people thought I was but I didn’t do anything to correct them. I just took on their assumptions and wore it like a uniform that while it fit okay, it didn’t always feel right.

After Kris came out and I felt like I was not only fighting for his life but our family’s well-being, it was easier to cast off those pieces of me that were part of the uniform that I didn’t want. When people treated me like I was gullible, naïve, impressionable and without a backbone, I stood firm. I knew that I had always been smarter than most gave me credit for. I called them out. I fought for what I believed in. And I wasn’t afraid to remove toxic people from my life.

The people in my life who had always known the real me were not surprised in the least. And all the others? Well, some have been removed. Others are still sitting there, shaking their heads in confusion because I’m keeping it real and telling it like it is.

And me? I’m happier with myself because I’m not playing a part. I know that it’s okay if I cry. It’s okay to get emotional. And it’s okay to not fake emotion that’s not there. I’m okay with who I am- the good parts and the not so good parts. And that’s okay, too!

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6 thoughts on “It’s Time

  1. There is such a vast difference between those who know you and those who Know you. The latter wouldn’t be surprised at all, since they’ve been wading in your soul pools for some time. But the former…well, they are those who oftentimes don’t like the Real you because it forces them to examine their own hearts closer and that is scary (we know it is).

    The thing that’s like gum to the underside of a shoe is this: our people find us and we find them. Sometimes it takes letting people in to find out we need tighter boundaries (that they shouldn’t have been there in the first place). And sometimes those boundaries whisper, “Step back. Let go. Move on.”

    Blessings to you for doing the hard work and growing into yourself.
    It’s a process.
    It truly is.

    Truth wins,
    Dani

    Liked by 2 people

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