In Need of a Kat Nap

“Good Night”- The Beatles. Written by John Lennon. Sung by Ringo Starr. This is my go-to ‘good night, go to sleep’ song. What? You mean you don’t have one? I have songs for every occasion, every situation, you name it. (But I think that’s another post…..or maybe a challenge…) I like this song. (I know- big surprise- Kat likes a Beatles song written by John.) I like the dreamy feel of the melody, that it was said that John wrote it for his son, Julian, as a lullaby, that Ringo is singing it and you can clearly hear the vulnerability in his voice….. it’s a good feeling.

2015 appears to be off to a less than auspicious start for me. My dreams of beginning the year with my word- focus- clearly in sight and mind began to slip away rather quickly. I don’t like big social functions. I really don’t like hosting parties in my own home. I can’t find the word that aptly describes how I feel about having a party in my house where the majority of my guests aren’t really speaking to me. This is how my year began as I was preparing for my son’s graduation party, complete with a sick dog and crabby kids. Throughout Michael’s party, I was only focused on one thing- for it to be over. I feel bad about that but it’s over. Immediately following the party, I had agreed to watch the little guys so their parents could grab some much needed time together. That’s where the word SLEEP comes to play.

It took a few years but my husband and I finally worked out a good teamwork strategy when dealing with the kids, especially in those new baby days- divide and conquer. Old habits die hard and with a 5 year old and 5 week old to care for, we easily slipped back into our roles with him taking CJ and me in charge of little Beej. In theory, it was a great plan. The only problem was that it’s been 19 years since I dealt with a newborn and those late night feedings and sleep deprivation. When you add in my own paranoia, I barely slept.

So, maybe I didn’t actually climb into the crib, but remember, my babies were tummy sleepers, so I would keep bending closer and closer, laying a hand on the baby’s back to feel him breathing, until I would finally use enough pressure to cause the baby to squirm. Then, and only then, could I rest easy.

Two nights, little sleep……. results in no posts, an incomplete (incoherent) Kat Got Your Tongue Challenge post…. and no goals established…..and a smattering of “likes” on some of the blogs I’m following but very few comments. AND one very cranky Kat.

I have suffered from insomnia and bad sleep patterns for 25 years. It isn’t coincidence that my sleep issues can be traced back to my first pregnancy when I was no longer able to sleep on my stomach. I have always been a light sleeper but losing my favorite sleep position just did me in. Little did I know, I would never get it back.

Can I share an ironic little bit of Kat-trivia? Back in my early 20’s, I would talk to my friend, Rob, on the phone while he was at work. He was always referring to this one guy who worked for him who could sleep anywhere. This guy became a common topic of discussion. How was it possible to sleep at a construction site sitting in a hot truck? It seemed like this guy slept at every opportunity. I just didn’t get it. Little did I know- this guy would become my brother-in-law and I was going to marry into a family of people who seemed to worship sleep. I strongly believe that if they could just sleep through life they would die happy. (I still don’t get it. Sleep is good and all and you need it to function but life is for living….not sleeping….just my thoughts on it.)

I went to bed at 7pm last night. I kept falling asleep on the couch so it was time. I slept. (Thank god!) And then I woke up at about 4am with post ideas running through my head. I found myself being nagged by the unfinished and two day late Kat challenge. I needed a to-do list. That schedule wasn’t going to write itself. (I had to set up a meeting for Friday. Andrew needed new shoes before he leaves on Saturday. Those party supplies need to be put away. )   And it wasn’t long before I knew that I would not be going back to sleep. I tabled the unfinished challenge post for another day.

And I came to the realization that I need to add a component on the “Me” section of my goals where I work on giving myself a break. In the middle of being totally exhausted, my internal running commentary of all the things I should be doing was causing some major mental and emotional draining, similar to those apps that are running in the background on your phone, draining your battery. Yes, I needed to come up with a plan, a list, something……but if it didn’t officially begin until next week, it wouldn’t hurt anything. And maybe those extra days to get back on track would actually give me the boost I need to feel inspired and ready to face the year. 🙂 Who knows- I might actually get some much needed rest, too.

katgotyourtongue This post is in response to Kat Got Your Tongue Challenge- Sleep

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6 thoughts on “In Need of a Kat Nap

    1. Thank you! I wrote it, did not edit and hit publish. Yup, upon reading it for the first time it’s definitely the product of a sleep deprived person. lol I’m working on catching up on that sleep now!

      Like

  1. Sissa, I LOVED this post!! You are at your dead level best when you are this vulnerable…because it is then that your true core indomitability shines thru brilliant. I suspect that being loved by you is like being wrapped in velvet…and opposing you would be like biting tin foil while nails drag down blackboards!

    Cus being your friend is a lot like a great jacuzzi followed by fun snacks and then affirmations that our ordinary drudge battles in the trenches are the stuff of High Drama and Eternal Deposit.

    Oh…and trust me on this: if I lived close by, OR if I ever have money to burn, I will absolutely fly out to your place and help you throw shindigs cus that is my baby and I love to do it…churning out wonders and no one EVER even knowing I am back there in the kitchie!!

    Love you, SIssa…you’re good people, and a great friend!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh gosh, thank you so much! This comment, well, it really does mean a lot to me. I’m feeling raw right now, due to exhaustion more so than emotional drama. Well, okay, there is a teensy bit of emotion tied to this state.

      Your friendship means everything! What an unexpected blessing you are to me! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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