Today I’m supposed to write a post inspired by my About page. I struggled with that page. I actually spent yesterday perfecting it without looking at what I had already written. Then I noticed that people had liked it- before I made it better. Upon closer inspection, I decided that it was okay as it was. I removed the About.me widget and tried out my own image/post combo. The verdict is still out on the end results
But I have strayed off-topic. Reading today’s assignment sort of freaked me out. I wasn’t sure I was inspired by my About page. I’m having one of those hard days. They don’t come often, but when they do, they tend to pack a punch. Every Wednesday, I volunteer at my kids’ former elementary school with a reading group. After the group is over, the leaders all meet in the staff lounge to visit and eat whatever treat our group leader has made for us that week. The group is made up of a variety of people from different stages of my mom life. A few are former teachers of my children, a few are parents of K’s friends, some are parents of fellow students of Andrew’s. It’s a mishmash of people who generally know me, my husband and kids. Since my kids are long gone from the school, most have not seen some of them in years. Some have never met any of them. Like I said- a real variety. Having said that, it makes sense that not everyone there knows about K. Some know K only as a girl. A few know that K is now male. And a few think I have always had 3 boys.
We can go for weeks without K coming up in discussion but it always seems like when it does, he is front row and center. And it never fails, I might be talking to the parent who knows K is now a boy and someone else will ask a question about my daughter. When this happens it generally throws me for a loop.
I’m sure you’re wondering why I don’t just pop out with a casual “Well, K is a boy now.” Okay, maybe you can see why that wouldn’t work. And if you can’t, that’s quite alright. You obviously haven’t told someone that your daughter is really a son. It’s a difficult concept to grasp. People generally don’t understand. Some are immediately disapproving. Others are unsure how they feel. And then there are those few who don’t miss a beat and accept it. (I LOVE those people!) But, I also understand how everyone else feels. I’ve been there. I tell people- there is nothing that you are feeling that I probably haven’t felt myself at some point and it’s okay. I don’t like to tell people about K in a group setting. Every person’s response is so unique to them and I’m afraid that if someone is really struggling, it would be that much harder with witnesses.
So, while I’m sitting there with this mixed bag of people- giving an update on my son and/or daughter or both if you are one who knows about K, I’m sure I sound quite confused. Today was one of those days. Not only did I switch K’s name/gender mid-sentence when someone asked about her, while talking to K’s former teacher (who does not know), I bounced back and forth between he’s and she’s as if they were interchangeable.
Sometimes days go by and I don’t even think about ever having a daughter or even having a transgender child. I just have my life with all my boys in it and it’s all good. But then days like today pop up- and they are hard. Every female pronoun feels wrong. And the name. Don’t get me started on the name- that’s an entire topic. They don’t fit K now. They aren’t representative of my middle kiddle- the one who has tested my parenting skills to their limits and the one who I love so incredibly fiercely.
And these hard days make me realize that I do need to tell these people what’s up with K. And although it will be incredibly draining and emotional, it’s really a good thing. Some will accept and some may not. Everything happens for a reason, right?