Here’s My Penny

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For today’s blogging assignment, I’m supposed to tell you why I wanted to start a blog. I looked back at some of the things I wrote- dated 2011. Hmmmm, if I thought about it for, say 6 months or so, as I’m prone to do with some of my ideas, that means I’ve been thinking about writing a blog for 3 years. In case you didn’t guess, I don’t like to rush into things.

I used to have a daughter. At least, I think I did. When my middle child (a daughter at the time) told me that she identified as a boy, and always had, it changed my family forever. My poor busy mind couldn’t keep up with all the questions I was grappling with. How could K think she was a boy when she was clearly born a girl? How did she know? Why didn’t she tell us? What did that mean for my other two sons? Had K been pretending all of his life? Did I force him to wear dresses, play with barbies, dance? Was our history all a lie? What did that make us? How could I not know? If I was struggling, how were other people going to handle this? What if they couldn’t accept K? Did I care? What could I do to help him, his brothers, all of us?

Does your head hurt yet? Mine still does at times. I needed to process all of this, deal with it, figure out how I felt, you name it. Writing has always been my salvation, my escape, my release. It only made sense to blog.

Unfortunately trying to figure out the blogging world made my head hurt in a totally different way. And that’s how I got here.

 

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7 thoughts on “Here’s My Penny

  1. Your honesty and vulnerability are admirable, and make me want to hug you. We humans like to pretend we are strong and powerful and in control – because it’s just too scary to realize we are not. You realize that – and I commend you because I know how difficult not knowing can be.

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    1. Thank you, Wendy! I feel like I didn’t have much choice other than to face reality and deal with it. I think it made me much stronger in the end.

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  2. This is so beautifully and powerfully written. I love the way you included a paragraph full of all of the questions running through your mind and perhaps still running through your mind. I am hopeful that blogging will help quiet your mind and soothe your soul as well as open up the door to writing for you again. Clearly you are an amazing writer!!!

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    1. Thank you! I have to admit I didn’t take as much time on this as I usually would. Although questions still run through my mind, my son has been wonderful. I am able to talk to him about almost anything and he is honest. It made a big difference.

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  3. One of my family members is gay. I think I always knew something was different with him. It doesn’t matter to me as long as he is happy. It is hard to deal with all the comments from others though. The intolerant, the ignorant and the just plain hateful people that live in this world. My thoughts are with you in this journey.

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